Al-Anon is the sister program of AA for loved ones of alcoholics. Nar-Anon is the sister program to NA (Narcotics Anonymous) which is for loved ones of addicts. It really doesn't matter which one you go to, because the principles and steps are the same. You can learn more about them and check them out at www.al-anon.org or www.nar-anon.org. I would go to which ever has a meeting when you are able to go.
In dealing with loved ones of addicts or alcoholics, I often find resistance to going to either of these. Not always, but often. Sometimes it's a "I am not the sick one who needs help, why should I go?"" argument and sometimes its the "I'm sick and tired of doing stuff for them and they don't even go to meetings!" or the ever-popular "I went to a meeting and didn't like it" or the old standby "I don't have time!"
Let's look at these:
1. Yes, you are sick because you have been trying to save/fix/control and addict/alcoholic which is crazy-making. (See blog post "Recovery is not a Spectator Sport.")
2. You are going for YOU not for THEM so do it! Unless you like your life feeling insane?
3. You need to KEEP going to meetings until you find one you at which you feel comfortable.
4. Time? We all are issued 24 hours per day. Make it a priority and you will go. It's funny that the addict or alcoholic is expected to go to a meeting very day in addition to therapy and work etc. etc. etc. but loved ones can't make a meeting once a week! That just does not fly.
Why the big push for Al- or Nar- Anon? Because they HELP. A LOT. I know this from personal experience. Loved ones will heave a sigh of relief when their addict goes into recovery. They think their cares are over. This pink cloud lasts until the possibility of relapse enters their consciousness. Then the insanity of managing their recovery takes over. Are they going to meetings? For sure? Do their eyes look funny? Was that alcohol or their breath? They are not sleeping! Is it meth? Coke? They are tired! Is it heroin? Benzos?.....you can see where this is going...a crazy train to crazy town.
Someone else's addiction will drive you crazy if you love them, without Al-anon or Nar-anon. It's that simple. And it's free! Just throw a dollar or two into the basket if you are so inclined.
